Oh dear Spirit of January where, exactly, are you rushing at such a speed? Slow down, for goodness' sake. (This very frosty lady is Bing's interpretation of January).
Today (just as always) I have quite a lot to say - but not enough time (not as though I were such an important person, but I obviously take ages to get through things).
Instead of sharing New Year's resolutions, I wanted to reflect on a book from last year that changed my view on a few things - hopefully, for the better. A book whose premise got me truly intrigued. Dr. Julie Smith is a psychologist, her book Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? attempts to compile questions and topics that often come up during her sessions - even though should be common knowledge, for they are relevant to everyone. In my interpretation: basic knowledge that we collectively lack. Sounds great, I thought. And great indeed it was.
This is the book, by the way:
Dr. Smith approaches topics from a very practical and down-to-earth point of view (thank God!), her book includes a lot of self-discovery questionnaires, not just mere advice. She's also got a Youtube channel that helped me answer a lot of things about myself: https://www.youtube.com/@DrJulie/videos
Instead of giving a whole book review, I would like to concentrate on that one thing that changed my perception of life's trickiest question: happiness. (That bastard.) What I learned from Dr. Smith is that contrary to common belief (and romcoms), happiness is not that one magical thing you fight for for a long time, reach after much suffering...and have for the rest of your life. As I understand, happiness is a series of moments that sprinkle your life, seconds, experiences or even ordinary habits. And most of your days won't at all be 'happy', they will be okay. And that's how it is for everyone, that's how it is supposed to be.
With that in mind, my conclusion is that we can do two things:
1.) Sit down and seriously think about the moments that make us happy.
2.) Once we've identified them, prioritise their continuous presence in our lives. As though sprinkling an ordinary cake with your favourite 'topping'. Be it icing, edible flowers... or strawberries, like mine. Yumm.
I'd like to add something else to all this. Ted-ed (an amazing educational channel with very short, animated videos on all types of topics... from The History of the World According to Cats: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jsj-hDW9bS8
to literature: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X7FobPxu27M ) made an amazing video titled: Would Winning the lottery make you happier? Although I expected the answer to be a no, they managed to surprise me. And I still keep thinking of what I learned from them, even up to these days. There's a thing called Hedonic Adaptation, which basically means that humans have a tendency to adapt to new situations - and thus return to their norm. So, whether you win the lottery, or survive a car crash, your reaction will be surprisingly similar: reverting to your default emotional state. That is why whatever you might experience, the direction you'll take will be the same: mundanness. There are, of course, tragic and extreme life circumstances, and I do not intend to disregard anyone's suffering - or pose as someone With The Ultimate Answer. I'm just saying (partly to myself) that the 'ordinary' is the normal - which our autopilot instinctively aims for. Isn't this crazy?
A bit of a spoiler from the video; actually, money is able to make you happier - if you spend it on experience and on others (instead of yourself). And no, Ted-ed is not a motivational channel, they research topics and support arguments with studies... I was pretty happy to hear this conclusion, because my sending little DIY cards, nicely sealed and all else, has been making me genuinely happier - but is certainly a habit I do need to defend every now and then. Especially because some people like telling me that one day I'll realise how much I've spent on it throughout the years. People can be oddly hurtful, even with such tiny things.
And if I had the money to buy you a Ferrari, you bet I'd do it. Well, here is my fictive Ferrari - I'm giving it to you!
But as I have no money for that - let me stick to my sending cards.
Find Ted-ed's video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=juO4zxsjSjw
(And really do watch it, because it's great!)
Now, back to Dr. Smith, I had to, of course, ask myself about the moments that make me the happiest. A lot came up, all tiny things. Interestingly no big occasions. No winning competitions and publishing things. And that's a bit odd if I think about it.
But let's see my happiness list:
The first thing that came to my mind I didn't expect at all. It was that moment when you've just gotten through security check at airports and are ready to embark upon a new adventure. Honestly, for me, this was the reigning one.
And then, there are the carefully orchestrated tea breaks - especially with the scent of Earl Grey. And hugging doggos!
Visiting bookstores and coffee houses (especially if they're two in one).
(My absolute top choice is Books Upstairs in Dublin!)
And last, but absolutely not least; meeting loved ones I haven't seen in ages. (I don't think this one needs any explanations).
And here, I need to return to the topic of January - you've already forgotten what this post is (supposed to be) about, haven't you? The common thing in most of my points - and the core of my first (airport) one - is actually...BEGINNINGS.
Hear me out.
I find middle phases of things 'meh'. And I HATE endings. Saying farewell to people you might not see for years, the end of Christmas, and so and so. But what I absolutely LOVE is - BEGINNINGS. Very beginning. Yes, I know that this might be only my preference. But the truth is that dreams live at the beginning of things. When you have hope - in resolutions or anything - and gather courage...and start walking. All other parts of phases are, I think, about facing reality - and adapting. I love reality, don't get me wrong, reality shapes us. But I'm strongest whilst dreaming. Most of us experience a kind of new start in January, and many of us turn into dreamers - even if only for a month.
By the way, I asked Microsoft Bing to draw a January Dream, and he came up with this:
Okay. Last, but not least, they say a good morning routine starts with a good night routine. I completely agree. Unless I go to bed in time, drink my tea, get my hot water bottle (shaped like a sheep) and read something, I won't have a good morning. Fact. For me, personally, muting message applications is also a must. (But everyone is different, of course.) January and February, I think, are like the night before. The night before spring. Important to establish routines (are you taking your vitamins?!). That's why January is the self-care month. Of being kind to oneself, getting cosy, practicing self-love and self-respect. Focusing on needs.
So, January is...
My Dormant Soul's Pre-Spring Prep Time
This includes the following:
-joyous little things
-cosy reads
-tea (duh)
-odd Lofi and jazz-hop (is this a musical genre?) playlists over loud and aggressive ones. My current favourite is...
I don't wanna feel too much, thank you very much, I just wanna be dormant, with a good face mask and recharge my introvert batteries.
By the way. For a dormant January soul, I recommend the following genres to read (with some examples from my TBR list):
1.) Graphic Novels
Doughnuts and Doom was written by a Hungarian guy (living in Scotland) that's why I want to read it. I'm not really a graphic novel person - although have been trying to get into the genre. So far, unsuccessfully. But I have faith, haha. Anyway, I'm certain that a cosy graphic novel could be the perfect companion to a dormant January soul.
2.) Poetry
Let's aim not for quantity but quality. If you don't (really) feel like reading, but also do feel a bit, but not too much, but don't want to scroll endlessly, but don't want to go outside either because it's too cold... Ready poetry. Read small bits and pieces, and try to take it slow.
Here are two titles from my TBR (to be read) list:
(I must add a note of "the intuitive reader": I want to read Desire Museum because of the cover...
...and The World Keeps Ending, and the World Goes On, because of its title...)
3.) Tales & Light Fantasy
(A book supposedly quite Alice-esque... I shall see it for myself...)
4.) Art, Lifestyle or Design Stuff
5.) Just Fun, Ehh
To keep things light...
Now, this is all, because I must go, haha.
Oh, by the way... I'm reading The Ten Thousand Doors of January by Alix E. Harrow... And I don't hate it (so far). Will this be my one true love - in the genre of fantasy? Stay tuned, and you'll see. I'll have things to say, for sure...
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So, in conclusion, this is why my heart is taken by January. After Christmas, of course. What can I say, I'm a winter girl.;)
Have a happy beginning, Darlings!
Hugs from the Fearless Frock!:)
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